Living Water & New Wine

At the prompting of my husband, I am sharing a few new things the Lord is teaching me about being used by Him in prophecy/prophetic art and as a vessel of His love and power.  I have been crying out to God for new wine, fresh wind, and living water to flow from my heart and life, to be saturated in His presence and to bring the life and light of that presence into every situation, to be a blessing to others.

Sam and I recently joined a small group of friends who meet to learn and practice how to operate in the supernatural gifts of the Spirit.  Last week's topic was Prophetic Art...using simple pictures to give a visual representation of a word from God for someone.  We experienced a great evening of prophesying, praying, and ministering to each other.  I felt personally that something was released in me that night.  Like I have held a well deep inside me that was uncapped, starting to fill up and overflow.  The word and picture that I received was about a fountain of living water flowing from my belly to bless and refresh others.  This has been my prayer for the past month!  Confirmed and given back to me by a stranger! 

A few days later, I was worshipping and had the thought to just draw in my journal while I worshipped.  So, I did a simple drawing, not much more than a doodle I thought.  It wasn't until later that night, that I realized I had done prophetic art over myself of a passage of Scripture I had read that morning (but hadn't thought about at all while drawing).  The Scripture was John 2:1-11...Jesus turning the water into wine.  As I read the familiar passage, I was struck in particular by two things: that Jesus had the servants fill the stone jars to the brim with water, and that when they took the water-made-wine to the master no one knew where it had come from except the ones who drew it out.  Anyway, here is the picture I drew in my journal:

A stone jar, full to the brim with water from Heaven that turns in to wine as it spills over and fills up other vessels!  Living Water turned into New Wine!  That is my heart cry and I truly feel like that jar, being filled to overflowing with God's love and presence.

Today I did another drawing to depict the feeling I have of standing under this outpouring.

He is the wine, I am the vessel.

Come, Lord.  Fill me to the brim.  I want Your river of Living Water to pour over me, to spill out and to refresh everyone I come in contact with.  Let me drip with the fragrance of Your presence.  Let me be transparent.  It's all about You.  Only You can satisfy.  Only You can fill.  Only You can quench my soul's thirst.  Come closer, Lord.  Fill me to the brim.

Joy

My daughter, Hannah, is four years old.   She is lively, imaginative, and energetic.  Life is brimming over with emotions for her, ecstasy and tragedy are daily occurrences.  She is never dull or boring.  If you’ve spent more than a few minutes with her you will know this to be true!  She is also one of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever known.  (I can say that shamelessly because she looks nothing like me!) 
Her complexion is olive toned.  Her hair is a lustrous brown that is so dark it looks black.  Her large eyes are pools of dark chocolate, framed in long eyelashes and sparkling under expressive eyebrows.  Even when she’s mad, she possesses a kind of dramatic beauty, like thunderclouds over the mountains.   But it’s her smile that takes my breath away.  

When Hannah laughs, her whole being exudes the most natural, stunning beauty.  Her already pretty face brightens to the point of brilliance when she smiles.   Her heartfelt joy visibly pours out of every feature.  Her smile consumes me.  It is impossible to see it and not be called to join in her happiness.  It is no wonder that her middle name is Joy…she has it and she gives it! 

For me, Hannah serves as a reminder of the beauty that joy brings, not only to the face and countenance, but also to those who are around it.  The world needs more of our heartfelt, passionate, free-flowing joy!  Share your beautiful smile!  Laugh easily!  Shower your world with joy! 

Pursue Beauty…
Sarah

Purpose

Esther is well-known for her beauty.  She was physically one of the most attractive women in all of Persia.  But do you really think that physical beauty alone was enough to put her on the throne next to a king who had hundreds of women in his harem?  I think there was something more to Esther.  The Bible says that the king liked Esther more than any other girl, she “won his favor and approval” above all the others.   Among hundreds of the most beautiful women to be found, she had something that set her apart.  She knew who she was, but still had a heart of submission.

Yes, I used the “S” word.  I think many women today have forgotten the beauty and strength to be found in submitting to godly authority.  I don’t for a minute picture Esther as a doormat or slave-like in any way, do you?  No, she was intelligent, strong, capable, bold.  Yet, for all of that, she wasn’t proud or demanding of respect.  She was sure enough of her value as a woman to know when to say “Yes” to the authorities in her life.  And because she did, God was able to do a great thing, not only for herself, but for an entire people group. 

She submitted to the king’s men who gathered the beautiful women of the land.  She submitted to her cousin and guardian, Mordecai, when he instructed her in how to behave in the king’s palace.  She submitted to Hegai, the eunuch in charge, in his suggestions on how to present herself to the king.  She submitted to God as He led her to the defining task of her life.  In the end, I think it was her humility, in complement to her inner strength, that moved the king to submit to her request.  Imagine if she had copped an attitude of pride in any of those situations…the whole story might have ended differently. 


This whole subject is too huge and complex to unpack fully here.  But my point is this:  I don’t want to miss my purpose, or even a part of it, by thinking of myself more highly than I should.  As a woman, I am a priceless treasure, deserving of respect and care.   But may I hold my worth and value within myself and not demand it from others or shunning humility and submission.  My greatest purpose may come through saying “yes”.  Strength, intelligence, and boldness are beautiful when submitted in honor and purpose.

Pursue Beauty…
Sarah
P.S.  For more insight, I encourage you to read the full story of Esther in the Bible!

Authenticity

Wikipedia entry says this about Beauty:
“The Koine Greek word for beautiful was, hōraios, an adjective etymologically coming from the word, hōra, meaning "hour." In Koine Greek, beauty was thus associated with "being of one's hour." A ripe fruit (of its time) was considered beautiful, whereas a young woman trying to appear older or an older woman trying to appear younger would not be considered beautiful. In Attic Greek, hōraios had many meanings, including "youthful" and “ripe old age.””

What do I get from this?  Don’t try to be something you’re not.  Be what you are, as you are, right now.  That is your beauty.  Don’t worry that you aren’t perfect, or even as you’d like to be.  Wouldn’t we all like to change a few things about ourselves, both internally and outwardly!  But don’t wait until you’ve reached “it” to think of yourself as beautiful.  Be true to what is inside of you, wherever you are on your journey.  Even an unripe piece of fruit is perfect for it’s stage of development.  Be authentic.  

Of course, being authentically beautiful requires that what’s inside of you is beautiful!
I had a friend who wanted to save money at her wedding, so she took Styrofoam forms and frosted them gorgeously, just as she wanted her cake to look.   She then served flat cake with plain icing to her guests.  Great money-saver, for sure.  What I want to highlight is this...adorning the outward appearance, without having any substance of character inside, is like frosting Styrofoam.  It’s good to look at, but offers nothing beyond that.   No nourishment or taste whatsoever.  If you tried to eat it you would be sorely disappointed, even disgusted by the deception.


As women, we have a fantastic capacity and responsibility to love and nurture the people in our lives.  Let’s answer the call to true beauty by being women of authenticity!  No more false advertising!  No more frosted Styrofoam!  When someone “tastes” of my heart, I want what they see on the outside to tell truthfully of the rich, delicious substance of who I am underneath! 

Pursue Beauty…
Sarah

Consuming Fire

In the past month, my spirit has been awakened again to a new burning.  Hearing testimonies from the Lakeland Revival, powerful messages from respected pastors in my life, the ministry of His Spirit in my own personal worship times, His Word coming alive again to me, prayers answered....all these things have worked together to fan the flame of my passion for Him.  I have had wonderful, inexpressible times of basking in His presence...and I can't get enough.  

I've always loved God.  And loved worshipping Him.  I accepted Christ at 3 years old (probably the earliest age possible to understand the basics of the gospel), and truly made Him Lord of my life at 12, dedicating myself to the pursuit of Him and surrendering to His Spirit in all things.  As a teenager, I worshipped and prayed with passion.  And growing into adulthood, my faith has never been static.  

But as a wife, mom of two kids, and with a household to run, it's easy to get caught up in trying to meet the immediate needs around me; a diaper change, a meal, a load of laundry, a bill to pay, an errand to run, etc. etc. etc.  All these things are a necessary part of the calling God has placed on me as wife and mother.  But I am hungry for more, so hungry for Him.  I don't want to trudge through the day to day content with my faith as it is, and miss the fullness of all that Christ can bring.  He said over and over again "The Kingdom of Heaven is near."  I want the power, glory, love, and presence of God that is in Heaven to be present and active in my earthly life now.   I don't just want encounters with God, I want to live in His presence.  When I dress my children,  when I drive through town, when I cook and clean, I want to be filled with His Spirit, tuned in to what He wants to do in each situation.  I want to see Him move supernaturally in my life, and I want to be a vessel of His glory to see transformation in the lives of people around me.  I want to live under an open heaven.  I want that experience of worship to follow me around in everything I do, so that my life becomes an offering of worship to Him.  

God is a consuming fire.  I am the fuel.  And I'm burning up. 

More, Lord.  More.  More. 

"Lord what we desire most, is that You saturate our souls, in the presence of Your Love, like a flood.  Keep us close in Your embrace, safe within Your grace.  In the presence of Your Love, cover us like a flood."  - Cover Us by Sonflowerz

Stuff, Storms, and a Savior

God is speaking to me through many threads. Many different sources, past and present, uniting to make a coherent message. Bear with me as I attempt to distill all of this into concrete thought. I’m still processing a lot of it myself, so I apologize if it isn’t concise or cohesive. This will likely be very long. 


Lately I’ve been feeling so overwhelmed with the “life-ness” of life. It seems there’s never a break from all of the Stuff. It sounds vague, but you know what I’m talking about. Everybody has it…relationship stuff, health stuff, money stuff, work stuff, dead dream stuff, self stuff. You don't need to know the details of my Stuff, cause you have your own and you know how it works. 



As I’ve been praying fervently for God to meet me in the midst of my Stuff, He keeps impressing on me over and over again, “Prepare for rain. It’s coming, get ready for the rain.” 



Last week, I was crying out to God about why this Stuff was still there and why wasn’t He answering my prayers and coming to my rescue. And where was that rain anyway?? 

As I was praying, I saw myself in the middle of a vast, raging ocean storm. You know the kind I mean: waves that make you feel the size of a pea, wind that drives the rain sideways, boiling black masses of clouds pressing overhead, and the only light is the jagged slits of lightening with air-shattering thunder on it’s heels. Terrifying. So here I am, in the middle of this storm, clinging, naked, to this rock for dear life. Thanks for the rain, God, but this isn’t exactly what I had in mind! 



In the midst of all that, I found myself telling God honestly that if He strips my life of everything else, at least let me have enough strength to cling to Him. He is all I need. 


Immediately, I picked up my Bible and randomly read Psalm 77:1 
"I cry aloud to God, 
aloud to God, and he will hear me. 
2 In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord; 
in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying; 
my soul refuses to be comforted. 
3When I remember God, I moan; 
when I meditate, my spirit faints. 
Selah 

4You hold my eyelids open; 
I am so troubled that I cannot speak. 
5I consider the days of old, 
the years long ago. 
6I said, "Let me remember my song in the night; 
let me meditate in my heart." 
Then my spirit made a diligent search: 
7"Will the Lord spurn forever, 
and never again be favorable? 
8Has his steadfast love forever ceased? 
Are his promises at an end for all time? 
9 Has God forgotten to be gracious? 
Has he in anger shut up his compassion?" 
Selah 

10Then I said, "I will appeal to this, 
to the years of the right hand of the Most High." 
11I will remember the deeds of the LORD; 
yes, I will remember your wonders of old. 
12I will ponder all your work, 
and meditate on your mighty deeds. 
13Your way, O God, is holy. 
What god is great like our God? 
14You are the God who works wonders; 
you have made known your might among the peoples. 
15You with your arm redeemed your people, 
the children of Jacob and Joseph. 
Selah 

16When the waters saw you, O God, 
when the waters saw you, they were afraid; 
indeed, the deep trembled. 
17The clouds poured out water; 
the skies gave forth thunder; 
your arrows flashed on every side. 
18 The crash of your thunder was in the whirlwind; 
your lightnings lighted up the world; 
the earth trembled and shook. 
19Your way was through the sea, 
your path through the great waters; 
yet your footprints were unseen. 
20You led your people like a flock 
by the hand of Moses and Aaron."




I don’t know if you can see it, but exactly what I went through emotionally just minutes before is represented in this Psalm. I was blown away. Another meaningful theme to me that's found there is Israel crossing the Red Sea. 

Back in 2005, Sam and I clearly felt God telling us it was time to move from Hong Kong back to the US, but there were so many doors that had to open for it to be possible. So many things were completely out of our hands. We were praying once, and I saw a picture of the Israelites standing at the Red Sea, with the Egyptian army in hot pursuit. Dead end. They panic and cry out to Moses and God, “Why did you bring us out here only to die now?!” They couldn’t see the hidden path. God already knew how He would provide a miraculous escape for them, but only He could see it. Only He could do it for them. At that time, it was such an encouraging word…and God indeed supernaturally opened every door needed for us to move to Colorado, and continued to provide for us here. That imagery has stayed with me. 

My prayer is constantly for the faith to trust that God knows what He’s leading us to and through. And He is mighty to save. Even if I can’t see the hidden path, yet, He knows the way. And like the Psalm says, to remember those mighty deeds and wonders of old…to encourage my heart with the remembrance of how He has saved me in the past. 




Several weeks ago, I was worshipping and I again saw the Israelites at the Red Sea, and God impressed upon me that He has given us authority in Christ over our circumstances. He has, in essence, given us the staff. It’s His job to part the water, but we have to hold up the staff first in His authority. I was so encouraged by this, because that’s exactly what Sam and I have been doing…speaking the will of God (on earth as it is in heaven) into our Stuff. 




Still, here I sit, and not one thing has improved in our situation. But let me share more about what God is doing in my heart… 

Back to the storm and the rock. This morning during worship at church, I again saw myself draped across the rock in the storm, just hanging on by my fingernails, really. And God told me to stop hanging on and to stand up and praise Him instead. The image that kept coming to my mind was the disciples in the storm on the lake. A storm that threatens their life. And Jesus is sleeping in the boat. They cry out for Him to save them, “Lord! Don’t you even care if we die?! Why aren’t You doing anything??” That’s how I felt. Tossed around by the winds of insecurity. Threatened by the waves of fear and doubt. And God is taking a snooze? I’m crying out and hanging on for dear life, and He doesn’t even bat an eyelash. I told God that’s what it felt like to me. 

Then I opened my Bible and a passage in Deuteronomy caught my eye. Just above it was written “06/22/2005” (meaning God had highlighted this passage to Sam and I at that date…which is right during the time we were getting ready to move, remember?). Curious, I began to read. I was shocked and blessed at how the words spoke so accurately to what I was thinking and feeling. 

Deut. 7:7- 9, 12-13, 17-19, 21-23 

“Because the Lord loves you and because He would keep the oath which He swore to your fathers, the Lord has brought you out with a mighty hand and redeemed you from the house of bondage, from the hand of Pharaoh, king of Egypt. Therefore know that the Lord your God, He is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and mercy for a thousand generations with those who love Him and keep His commandments…Then it shall come to pass, because you listen to these judgments, and keep and do them, that the Lord your God will keep with you the covenant and the mercy which He swore to your fathers. And He will love you and bless you and multiply you; He will also bless the fruit of your womb and the fruit of your land, your grain and your new wine and your oil, the increase of your cattle and the offspring of your flock, in the land of which He swore to your fathers to give you…If you should say in your heart, ‘These nations are greater than I; how can I dispossess them?’ — you shall not be afraid of them, but you shall remember well what the Lord your God did to Pharaoh and to all Egypt; the great trials which your eyes saw, the signs and wonders, the mighty hand and the outstretched arm, by which the Lord your God brought you out. So shall the Lord your God do to all the peoples of whom you are afraid…you shall not be terrified of them; for the Lord your God, the great and awesome God, is among you. And the Lord your God will drive out those nations before you little by little; you will be unable to destroy them at once…but the Lord your God will deliver them over to you” 

In my mind, I relate the promises and dreams that God has given to my husband and I over the years as the “land” and “covenant”. My problems (or Stuff) are the surrounding “peoples” and “nations” that are too great for me to destroy, and that are interfering with the blessings of God for my life. God is saying to me in this passage, that yes, they are too great for me. But He is with me. He will drive away the enemy. He may do it little by little, but He is faithful, and will keep His promises. My responsibility is to trust Him and not be afraid. 

Which reminds me of our wedding text: 

Psalm 37:3-5 

“Trust in the Lord, and do good; Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass.” 

Trust Him. Delight in Him. Commit to Him. And what are the results? Security, abundance, provision, and the desires of my heart. That’s exactly what I’m longing for. 

I’ve also been reading in Max Lucado’s book, It’s Not About Me. The last chapter I read (just yesterday, actually…isn’t it amazing how God can weave a theme in our lives?) was titled, “My Struggles Are About Him”. Max is talking about how our lives aren’t meant to be about ourselves, but that the purpose of everything from struggles to success is to bring glory to God. He’s saying that by staying strong in faith, even in the midst of pain, sickness, bankruptcy, whatever, that actually sets the stage for God to be glorified. 

Back to the disciples for a sec, terrified and tempest-tossed in that little boat. Jesus wakes up, looks around at their trembling faces, and says, “You have such little faith.” Then He addresses the storm and immediately there is peace and calm. Wow. Their struggle with the storm was the stage on which God demonstrated His power and sovereignty. 

Ok, God, I admit my faith is small in this storm. I panic, feeling like You’re not doing anything, like You’re leaving me to try and rescue my sinking boat by myself. But You are the faithful God. I won’t be terrified because You are in my boat. Take my mustard seed faith, Lord, and bring growth. Yes, I want the abundance, provision, and the many other desires of my heart. But more than that, I want to trust You and know Your faithfulness. And to commit my way to You, so You can make it happen. I want my growing faith in the midst of my Stuff to bring You glory. To showcase You and Your character. I will fix my eyes on You, and wait for the calm.

Ok, back to the present. This morning’s sermon was so spot on with all of this. Guest speaker Pastor Robert Morris talked about how God doesn’t need anything, but He has decided to need us. Meaning, He has limited His action in the earth to our action. He has given us authority and He will do His part (the supernatural) as we do our part, such as Moses holding up the staff and God responding by parting the Sea. God wants to work with us to accomplish great and mighty things in the earth. But it takes us doing our small part of faith first, then He responds in power. Wow. 

All of this is making me think and evaluate. I’m in the storm. But I’m on the rock. I won’t be afraid, but I will praise Him instead. I will stand in trust and faith that He knows the hidden path. I will lift up the staff of His authority and proclaim His promises for my life. And whatever, whenever, wherever His answer is, even if my Stuff doesn’t change, I will love Him more than life itself. 

If you got this far, I appreciate it. But this is mostly for myself…to record what God is doing in me. So that one day, in another storm, I can look back and remember the works of God. 


Oh, my beating heart!

The other day, Sam was playing with Hannah in the family room. I snatched the opportunity to jump in the shower. I had just finished and was combing my hair...smiling at the playful coo's from a father and his daughter enjoying each other's company below. Just then the giggles stopped with an abrupt THUD. I heard my husband's intonations of concern, nearly drowned out by my daughter's painful cries. Time seemed to halt as I moved. "What? Sam! What HAPPENED?!" I yelled as I quickly left behind the bedroom, the hallway, the stairs. My mind filled with horrid visions of blood and injury. I was at my baby's side in an instant, though it felt much too long. As my arms scooped her from her father's embrace, my eyes and hands examined her tiny body. No blood. No injury. She had merely toppled over while sitting, thudding that pretty little head against the metal leg of her swing. There wasn't even a bump or a red spot. Her crocodile tears were soon dried up in my arms, as Papa distracted her from her shock with his bright smile. She was cooing again within seconds. It was only then that I noticed my pounding heart. It was only in the moment of relief that I realized the adrenaline coursing through my body and mind. I held her very close and smooshed her cheek to mine, thanking God for her safety.

Wow. What powerful emotions awakened in me at the thought of my little daughter getting hurt. Protectiveness. Fear. And that strange selflessness that wishes desperately to take the pain upon myself in order to relieve her. These emotions are a result of us being made in the image of God. After all, is He protective of us? Fiercely so. I don't think God feels fear, but He was so unwilling to lose us that He made the ultimate sacrifice. And He DID take our pain upon Himself for our relief. It's amazing how being a parent can so enhance our view and understanding of God and why He does what He does.

What's Good For Me

Ok, so Hannah has eczema. The dry patches first appeared when she 
was about 3 months old, so I took her to the doctor. She said it's common enough and to just put lotion on her daily. So, that's what I did. Turns out, Hannah doesn't like to be slathered in lotion twice a day. She would cry (read: scream as if she's dying) every time I put it on her. Those giant tears rolling down her cheeks and those pitiful wails 'bout broke my heart! But did I stop putting the medication on her? No, of course not. It was good for her. It was going to heal her. She didn't like it...and I knew that. But I also knew that she couldn't understand the true purpose for it. She could only feel and understand the discomfort it caused her in the moment...she didn't know that it would make her better in the long run.

Oh, thank you, dear daughter, for being a mirror for me! I am a lot like you. How many times have I turned my tear-stained face and wailing heart to heaven, begging God to stop the discomfort of the moment? Too many. And how many times have I paused in my pain to ask if He has a deeper purpose for it? Too few. Jesus sees my "dry patches" and His desire is to heal and hydrate. Now I understand a bit more of His heart, and how it breaks to ease my pain....but not the temporary pain. He longs to bring eternal healing. I pray I can learn to trust Him more completely. He knows what's good for me.

Summer Rain

There is something mysterious about a soft summer rain.
Something romantic.
Spiritual.
Something that stirs my very soul.

There is a thickness to the very air...the scent of coming rain.
The clouds break suddenly and my heart thrills at the torrent of falling water.
The initial rush subsides into a steady, straight-falling shower.
My excitement also mellows into introspection.
I revel in the cool wetness on the naked soles of my feet.
The soft tingle on my upturned face fills me with peace.
The muted resonance of each droplet ending it's journey on the earth...the trees...my shoulders is all I can hear.
The clouds cover the visible world like a heavy fleece blanket...only in the far horizon can I see the edge, shining like gold in the light of a hidden sun.

There is poetry in my soul as I stand there...wholey lost to just being.
Absorbing every drop as if I was the earth itself.
Knowing nothing my senses do not tell me, my feeling is one of primitiveness and profundity and purity.
The rain speaks to me of something above this world. Something clean.
A new beginning?
Refreshment? Grace?
God.

I could stay like this forever.
Reflective.
Peaceful.
Awakened.
Connecting with something beyond me...something within me.
The heat of the day and the pressing cares of life are cooled and soothed.

But the drops come farther apart now.
The cadence is slowing and the clouds are dissipating swiftly, exposing more and more of the evening sky.
I resign myself to the end, though I wish it would continue.

I must resume my practical roles of mother...wife...friend, and bid adieu to the philosopher and poet.

At least until the next soft summer rain.

Butterfly in the Gutter

I love butterflies. Their delicate, painted wings seem to diffuse a dancing sort of serenity in any scene. Today I saw one. It was pristinely white. Exquisite. Striking anywhere, but even more so by it's particular backdrop: a putrid gutter, pitch black with slime and rot.

This timeless symbol of new spring life and transforming hope was fluttering just scant inches above such filth and muck. This spotless creature was in the gutter, utterly surrounded by it. And yet, it was unmarred. It could pass through and come out safe and pure. What a powerful picture. In that moment of seeing, my mind flies. Lord, can I too, pass through this often-ugly, usually-crude, pain-filled and fallen world, and still come out spotlessly pure?

Most days that doesn't feel to be the case. In fact, the Bible says that can never be the case. All have sinned and fallen short...stumbling or being shot down into the slimy gutter of sin and pain.

But the Bible says something else, too. Jesus' righteousness covers me. I am washed clean...white as snow, in fact. I stand before the Father spotless. Pristine. I was once a grimy caterpillar, but no longer. I will fly with Him in eternal hope and endless life.