God is speaking to me through many threads. Many different
sources, past and present, uniting to make a coherent message. Bear with me as
I attempt to distill all of this into concrete thought. I’m still processing a
lot of it myself, so I apologize if it isn’t concise or cohesive. This will
likely be very long.
Lately I’ve been feeling so overwhelmed with the “life-ness” of
life. It seems there’s never a break from all of the Stuff. It sounds vague,
but you know what I’m talking about. Everybody has it…relationship stuff,
health stuff, money stuff, work stuff, dead dream stuff, self stuff. You don't
need to know the details of my Stuff, cause you have your own and you know how
it works.
As I’ve been praying fervently for God to meet me in the midst
of my Stuff, He keeps impressing on me over and over again, “Prepare for rain.
It’s coming, get ready for the rain.”
Last week, I was crying out to God
about why this Stuff was still there and why wasn’t He answering my prayers and
coming to my rescue. And where was that rain anyway??
As I was praying,
I saw myself in the middle of a vast, raging ocean storm. You know the kind I
mean: waves that make you feel the size of a pea, wind that drives the rain
sideways, boiling black masses of clouds pressing overhead, and the only light
is the jagged slits of lightening with air-shattering thunder on it’s heels.
Terrifying. So here I am, in the middle of this storm, clinging, naked, to this
rock for dear life. Thanks for the rain, God, but this isn’t exactly what I had
in mind!
In the midst of all that, I found myself telling God honestly that if He strips my life of everything else, at least let me have enough strength to cling to Him. He is all I need.
Immediately, I picked up my Bible and randomly read Psalm 77:1
"I cry aloud to God, aloud to God, and he will hear me. 2 In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord; in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying; my soul refuses to be comforted. 3When I remember God, I moan; when I meditate, my spirit faints. Selah 4You hold my eyelids open; I am so troubled that I cannot speak. 5I consider the days of old, the years long ago. 6I said, "Let me remember my song in the night; let me meditate in my heart." Then my spirit made a diligent search: 7"Will the Lord spurn forever, and never again be favorable? 8Has his steadfast love forever ceased? Are his promises at an end for all time? 9 Has God forgotten to be gracious? Has he in anger shut up his compassion?" Selah 10Then I said, "I will appeal to this, to the years of the right hand of the Most High." 11I will remember the deeds of the LORD; yes, I will remember your wonders of old. 12I will ponder all your work, and meditate on your mighty deeds. 13Your way, O God, is holy. What god is great like our God? 14You are the God who works wonders; you have made known your might among the peoples. 15You with your arm redeemed your people, the children of Jacob and Joseph. Selah 16When the waters saw you, O God, when the waters saw you, they were afraid; indeed, the deep trembled. 17The clouds poured out water; the skies gave forth thunder; your arrows flashed on every side. 18 The crash of your thunder was in the whirlwind; your lightnings lighted up the world; the earth trembled and shook. 19Your way was through the sea, your path through the great waters; yet your footprints were unseen. 20You led your people like a flock by the hand of Moses and Aaron."
I don’t know if you can see it, but exactly what I went through emotionally just minutes before is represented in this Psalm. I was blown away. Another meaningful theme to me that's found there is Israel crossing the Red Sea. Back in 2005, Sam and I clearly felt God telling us it was time to move from Hong Kong back to the US, but there were so many doors that had to open for it to be possible. So many things were completely out of our hands. We were praying once, and I saw a picture of the Israelites standing at the Red Sea, with the Egyptian army in hot pursuit. Dead end. They panic and cry out to Moses and God, “Why did you bring us out here only to die now?!” They couldn’t see the hidden path. God already knew how He would provide a miraculous escape for them, but only He could see it. Only He could do it for them. At that time, it was such an encouraging word…and God indeed supernaturally opened every door needed for us to move to Colorado, and continued to provide for us here. That imagery has stayed with me.
Several weeks ago, I was worshipping and I again saw the Israelites at the Red Sea, and God impressed upon me that He has given us authority in Christ over our circumstances. He has, in essence, given us the staff. It’s His job to part the water, but we have to hold up the staff first in His authority. I was so encouraged by this, because that’s exactly what Sam and I have been doing…speaking the will of God (on earth as it is in heaven) into our Stuff.
Still, here I sit, and not one thing has improved in our
situation. But let me share more about what God is doing in my heart…
Back
to the storm and the rock. This morning during worship at church, I again saw
myself draped across the rock in the storm, just hanging on by my fingernails,
really. And God told me to stop hanging on and to stand up and praise Him
instead. The image that kept coming to my mind was the disciples in the
storm on the lake. A storm that threatens their life. And Jesus is sleeping in
the boat. They cry out for Him to save them, “Lord! Don’t you even care if we
die?! Why aren’t You doing anything??” That’s how I felt. Tossed around by the
winds of insecurity. Threatened by the waves of fear and doubt. And God is
taking a snooze? I’m crying out and hanging on for dear life, and He doesn’t
even bat an eyelash. I told God that’s what it felt like to me.
Then I opened my Bible and a passage in Deuteronomy caught my
eye. Just above it was written “06/22/2005” (meaning God had highlighted this
passage to Sam and I at that date…which is right during the time we were
getting ready to move, remember?). Curious, I began to read. I was shocked and
blessed at how the words spoke so accurately to what I was thinking and
feeling.
Deut. 7:7- 9, 12-13, 17-19, 21-23
“Because the Lord loves you and because He would keep the oath
which He swore to your fathers, the Lord has brought you out with a mighty hand
and redeemed you from the house of bondage, from the hand of Pharaoh, king of
Egypt. Therefore know that the Lord your God, He is God, the faithful God who
keeps covenant and mercy for a thousand generations with those who love Him and
keep His commandments…Then it shall come to pass, because you listen to these
judgments, and keep and do them, that the Lord your God will keep with you the
covenant and the mercy which He swore to your fathers. And He will love you and
bless you and multiply you; He will also bless the fruit of your womb and the
fruit of your land, your grain and your new wine and your oil, the increase of
your cattle and the offspring of your flock, in the land of which He swore to
your fathers to give you…If you should say in your heart, ‘These nations are
greater than I; how can I dispossess them?’ — you shall not be afraid of them,
but you shall remember well what the Lord your God did to Pharaoh and to all
Egypt; the great trials which your eyes saw, the signs and wonders, the mighty
hand and the outstretched arm, by which the Lord your God brought you out. So
shall the Lord your God do to all the peoples of whom you are afraid…you shall
not be terrified of them; for the Lord your God, the great and awesome God, is
among you. And the Lord your God will drive out those nations before you little
by little; you will be unable to destroy them at once…but the Lord your God
will deliver them over to you”
In my mind, I relate the promises and dreams that God has given
to my husband and I over the years as the “land” and “covenant”. My problems
(or Stuff) are the surrounding “peoples” and “nations” that are too great for
me to destroy, and that are interfering with the blessings of God for my life.
God is saying to me in this passage, that yes, they are too great for me. But
He is with me. He will drive away the enemy. He may do it little by little, but
He is faithful, and will keep His promises. My responsibility is to trust Him
and not be afraid.
Which reminds me of our wedding text:
Psalm 37:3-5
“Trust in the Lord, and do good; Dwell in the land, and feed on
His faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord, and He shall give you the
desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He
shall bring it to pass.”
Trust Him. Delight in Him. Commit to Him. And what are the
results? Security, abundance, provision, and the desires of my heart. That’s
exactly what I’m longing for.
I’ve also been reading in Max Lucado’s book, It’s Not About Me.
The last chapter I read (just yesterday, actually…isn’t it amazing how God can
weave a theme in our lives?) was titled, “My Struggles Are About Him”. Max is
talking about how our lives aren’t meant to be about ourselves, but that the
purpose of everything from struggles to success is to bring glory to God. He’s
saying that by staying strong in faith, even in the midst of pain, sickness,
bankruptcy, whatever, that actually sets the stage for God to be
glorified.
Back to the disciples for a sec, terrified and tempest-tossed in
that little boat. Jesus wakes up, looks around at their trembling faces, and
says, “You have such little faith.” Then He addresses the storm and immediately
there is peace and calm. Wow. Their struggle with the storm was the stage on
which God demonstrated His power and sovereignty.
Ok, God, I admit my faith is small in this storm. I panic,
feeling like You’re not doing anything, like You’re leaving me to try and
rescue my sinking boat by myself. But You are the faithful God. I won’t be
terrified because You are in my boat. Take my mustard seed faith, Lord, and
bring growth. Yes, I want the abundance, provision, and the many other desires
of my heart. But more than that, I want to trust You and know Your
faithfulness. And to commit my way to You, so You can make it happen. I want my
growing faith in the midst of my Stuff to bring You glory. To showcase You and
Your character. I will fix my eyes on You, and wait for the calm.
Ok, back to the present. This morning’s sermon was so
spot on with all of this. Guest speaker Pastor Robert Morris talked about how
God doesn’t need anything, but He has decided to need us. Meaning, He has
limited His action in the earth to our action. He has given us authority and He
will do His part (the supernatural) as we do our part, such as Moses holding up
the staff and God responding by parting the Sea. God wants to work with us to
accomplish great and mighty things in the earth. But it takes us doing our small
part of faith first, then He responds in power. Wow.
All of this is
making me think and evaluate. I’m in the storm. But I’m on the rock. I won’t be
afraid, but I will praise Him instead. I will stand in trust and faith that He
knows the hidden path. I will lift up the staff of His authority and proclaim
His promises for my life. And whatever, whenever, wherever His answer is, even
if my Stuff doesn’t change, I will love Him more than life itself.
If
you got this far, I appreciate it. But this is mostly for myself…to record what
God is doing in me. So that one day, in another storm, I can look back and
remember the works of God.