Be Loved.

I was standing in worship on Sunday, feeling anything but holy.  I was disapointed in myself in every respect.  Just a general feeling of "blah" all across the board: heart, mind, body.  I desperately wanted to feel God's presence.  I knew I needed it more than anything else.  But I couldn't escape the overwhelming knowledge that I am nothing.  A breath.  And a pretty stale one at that.  Louder than the choir, the thoughts in my head replayed, as they had been doing for two days..."What have you done with your life?"  "What are you ever going to do?"  "You aren't good at much of anything."  "You are SO average."  Part of me recognized the Accuser's signature on those thoughts, but the other part of me argued that they felt so true.  I heaved a sigh and looked heavenward.  God, what do I do with this?  How can I enter into the Most Holy place when I feel so unworthy of Your glance, let alone Your love?

I love it when God answers my questions!  Holy Spirit surrounded me in that moment like an embrace, and He said to my heart with sweet enthusiasm, "Sarah, if you want to be the Beloved, you must learn how to simply Be Loved.  Stop trying to earn it, and just let Me love you!"  Totally undone, I was lost to the world for the next 20 minutes as my King and Wonderful Counselor unwrapped this idea in me.  Even on my best day, I am unworthy to come into His presence, but He calls me, draws me irresistibly anyway!  Even on my worst day, His desire remains for me to sit at His feet in adoration anyway!  I cannot earn the identity of Beloved, any more than I can earn my salvation.  My only ability in the redemption process is to receive.  I cannot generate, accomplish, or earn my way to the place of intimate love with Jesus.  He has done it all for me.  He is waiting only for me to be with Him, in whatever state I am in, and simply let the unchanging, everlasting nature of His love wash over me and draw me deeper into His holiness.  Why do I try so hard to limit my own experience of His love by making it something I must perform for??  Yes, He desires obedience (Deuteronomy 30:20, 1 Samuel 15:22, Acts 5:32).  But I obey because I love Him (John 14:23).  And I love Him because He loved me first (1 John 4:19)! 

This is not wishful thinking.  He has given me permission to think of Him this way!  This is how I can access all that I need for life and godliness.  Sit at His feet.  Be Loved.  Receive from Him every provision and guidance in that place of intimacy.  Open up my heart to believe that He truly loves me THAT MUCH! 

To be loved by Jesus is what makes me His Beloved!  How I respond to that love is what makes Him my Beloved!

Bliss to you!
Sarah